Wet Pussy Tears

no orgasm achieved
no climax reached

having a penis for 49 years
now it's gone
surgically replaced with a vulva

I care for it daily
keeping it clean
watching for proper healing

I stretch the scarred tissue
gently massage the swelling
soak it in warm bath water

like caring for the Jew
beaten bloody by robbers
left at the roadside

I feel love
but not ownership

with soft touch
I try connecting to the vulva
thoughts of the penis
force their way in
like a hungry habit

then the ghost of
my controlling ex
lays beside me
trying to claim the vulva

memory is strong
history is sticky

I stop

many times I stop

I start letting go of expectation

with a vibrator, I stretch the scars
not intending anything

I freely let the vibrator wander
between the lips
no expectations

the feeling is soothing
I let the erotically placed ridge
on the light green, almost pink vibrator
grace the clitoris

the feeling is immediate
intense

I drop back to stroking the lips
surprising the clitoris occasionally

natural moisture is building
it's alive—
so different from formulas in a bottle

moisture builds

as the seafoam green bow plays
the lips start singing a song—
a kiss-like rhythm

I pause

with my open hand
I gently hug the vulva
emotions of life and living swell within
an ocean forming

I cry

the wetness
the wholeness
the warmth

I feel it
deeply

I’m filled with connection
two lovers made one

my vulva
my body