Flies
a woman's sexual purity is a garbage dump for patriarchy an uncontrolled mind seeks control I don't like my sins so I seek someplace to put them the boneless hand opens words swarm like flies: here is a woman made to carry your burden if you
Latest
What was she wearing?
hold an object a blue smooth marble bounds and limits a container movement direction shape size governed by physics a reduction outward measurements a woman size six in a flower bikini walks towards you she asks a question object person
Harpman
I don't know why I'm a trans woman I Who Have Never Known Men a prisoner in my body transitioning allows me sunlight and like in the book my prison follows me answers aren't real knowledge reveals more questions so I keep seeking I
She
an email blind copied sent to my ex and myself the contents simple from the person arranging parent-time exchanges recently, I’ve been consuming legal documents which either misgender me or sidestep pronouns so when the email came I expected the same I wasn't prepared for the flood
Flower Garden
she planted weeds in my mind and now waters them when we exchange I can't just walk away we co-parent a three-year-old she waters with silence she waters with looks she waters with contempt after fresh water the roots worm down biting a painful path I'm
Theories
does knowing why help cope with what is? replaying a tragedy looking for clues reliving the moment like a falling orbital half moon pain in cycles no relief even when relieved knowing it rises pain doesn't answer to answers
Aftermath
I hate my body the naked stage spotlights illuminating audience watching a stage built from whatever was around no gold leaf no elaborate carvings no permits no planning the choice of others an ejaculation now I drip
Spiral-bound
it's 2 pm I’ve been trying to make lunch when I open the fridge I rapidly close it as if I saw something move or hear footsteps spinning around I look for an escape there is none I'm physically in the kitchen but my mind
The Way, The Truth
being transgender is emotional abuse I perpetrate onto my family they are grateful for the financial support other than that I abuse them shall I go in or out? if I go out they get a million-dollar payout the house the business the final word if I go in I
Flower Life Jacket
will I renew my medical cannabis card when it expires despite not using cannabis in many months yes I feel the benefit every day knowing if things get too hard I can return to that sanctuary having something certain while sitting deep in uncertainty is the difference between having a
Not Mom Not Sir But
for me gender transition resolves how off I’ve felt since childhood for them it feels off we are seeing the same event but from different parts of the room without knowing it my transition began twelve years ago when I started dismantling religion—then patriarchy my family did not
Wet Pussy Tears
no orgasm achieved no climax reached having a penis for 49 years now it's gone surgically replaced with a vulva I care for it daily keeping it clean watching for proper healing I stretch the scarred tissue gently massage the swelling soak it in warm bath water like
Love Unwoven
Open Endings
I crossed the marked date surgery was a success healing is progressing relieved to have the body part gone the relationship ending I love what is new but it doesn't feel mine in the way the old did I had a system to deal with the old a
Love Unwoven
This Too Shall Bleed
as a trans woman I'm just days into walking as myself as a spouse I've recently separated from my wife I share equal time with our two-year-old son we love the farm days most the patient chickens the hungry ducks the bouncing tractor the strong excavator
Sanctified Dust
Change
the way I exposed my womanhood to my family the messiness the regret the rejection I blame myself for the outcome they are consistent they are backed by eternal truth unchanging I change change is wrong I am wrong rivers are wrong seasons are wrong mountains are wrong may my
Love Unwoven
Watching Over Her Flock
eight minutes late “The car in front of me went really slow through that dirt area. We're almost there.” she deflects in a text while passing through a 200 ft construction zone we walk in the direction of her parked car at three car lengths away her arms
Being Her
V is for
blue purple brown yellow like an animated cloud tattoo slowly floating spreading from my pelvis outward a mons pubis swelling forward beyond my stomach between my legs stitches hold together the newly shaped V blood-soaked pads pee exiting as a wide spade then dripping off my legs painful healing chaotic
Being Her
Vulva
leaning over letting gravity lift my hair allowing the warm air to dry more efficiently a morning ready ritual eyes looking at hip level seeing between my legs I am not jolted I am not ashamed I do not look away what is there is mine new—less than a
Being Her
Iron Penis
on the scale it wasn't heavy of a normal size and weight Goodwin took it off today I didn't understand my dysphoric load until gone—I understood
Being Her
Returning
I met a young woman in the park today with a boy's haircut she was on her bike heading to work wheels rolling swiftly flowing in the direction of the river full of life and responsibility opportunities not usually extended to young women the earth circling back catching
Being Her
On Estrogen
estrogen was enough to feminise my flow I practiced years of meditation with a mind full of testosterone watching the chatter— a second self interjecting estrogen has made that self silent leaving just me when I close my eyes the colorless dark patterns stay fixed in place no longer swirling
Nightmind
ignorance
as I'm getting somewhere shoes bouncing off the pavement how many living things have I ended? ⋱ noticing my flower crop top referring to me as a man as she works on my teeth ⋱ calling yourself a woman is hurting your family the court-appointed evaluator proclaims
Love Unwoven
pre-existence
my mom was preeminently impregnated by the patriarchy Heavenly Father made you a boy—she says tears falling voice whimpering she would rather hold this image in her heart than her own daughter
Being Her
The Pride Flag
I was attacked by words today each one a tiny little demon clawing into my body finding the back of my neck micro fingers reaching grabbing at my nervous system pulling twisting disconnecting me I'm not even alive animated—yes yet dust has more identity somehow the wind